its rant/babble time.
theres a girl who ive known for six years and she’s never had a boyfriend but now because we’re all 17-ish everyone’s started having sex and nobody will shut up about it and so this girl felt like she should be having sex too so she found herself a boyfriend and hey ho they’ve been together for a grand total of 3 and a half months and all she ever seems to talk about is sex. and people always seem to be walking in on them. sex, oral, kissing, whatever it is, somebody always walks in and hence the entire school gets to hear all about her sex life.
so me and livi were talking about it, both equally as irritated, and we’ve pretty much concluded that
a) its pretty much the main reason they’re together and
b) it’s almost set up so that they’ll get ‘caught’
like the first time there were loads of people at her house and they thought hm yeah we’ll just go and have oral upstairs, because obviously NOBODY’S going to wonder where we’ve gone and come looking for us.
and the second time was at a party. I mean seriously, a party? That’s just asking to get caught. you’d have thought yeah maybe the first time was a genuine mistake but a second time? no.
… I get that you’d want people to know. if it’s something you’re proud of. I mean im not going to lie im proud of me and alex, we’ve been together for well it’ll be three years in september and yeah im proud we’re so close and so comfortable and so happy and im proud of our sex life because frankly it’s amazing. and yes if the conversation concerns it then im perfectly happy to talk about it but i dont just want everybody to know! I dont want people to walk in on us and spread rumours about us! If we were at a party and decided we wanted to have sex we’d go home and do it! not in our friend’s bed! how wrong is that, honestly?
Ugh why is it ‘cool’? why is sex and alcohol and smoking cool? who decided that?
thing is i almost feel sorry for her because i know she’ll regret it one day. I know she will. well maybe she wont but there aren’t many people who are that emotionless in this world. i get that she wanted to join in, wanted to feel ‘cool’ like the rest of them, wanted to be able to share her stories instead of just talking about everyone elses. but surely waiting is going to have the better outcome in the long term?
its not just her obviously. its all of these people who just want to join in. but she’s just the best example. ive watched it happen, literally from her sitting at the table at lunch moaning because everybody is having sex and she’s not, to seeing her smug little grin when everybody sits around her on the bus talking about how erin walked in on her giving him a blowjob.
i get it, i get that you think about it all the time, that you’re proud and your happy. im the same as everybody else. difference is, i talk about it with tumblr (which only livi knows about - oh and saul who found it somehow?) and my close friends. not the entire school.
maybe im just a loser.
or maybe im just not a sheep.
I just dont understand. your sex life is for and about you and whoever youre having sex with. your sex life is not meant to be entertainment for your friends.
Brendan said he thinks there’s a ‘coming out’ process. like a period of time after you first have sex where you just have to announce to everybody that you’re no longer a virgin. I get what he means. and in the case of the majority of people our age i suppose it is. they talk about nothing but the sex they had last weekend and the semen on her school skirt. but not everybody feels the need to announce their lack of virginity. me and alex were having sex for like half a year without anybody but our families even knowing. and even then, it was only when i was asked in front of a group of massive people if we’d had sex and I sat there silently turning bright red that anybody even found out. Of course then everyone found out because for some reason, everybody thinks it’s their business. If it hadnt been for that im pretty sure only a couple of people would know. Livi, Will, Lauren, Sophie, Sam… They’re the only people people who I’ve personally spoken to.
Maybe I shouldn’t just assume everybody is like me. Because I know they’re not. But why can’t we all just be a little bit more mature about it?
I know I dont really have a right to judge people or talk about them like this or act like I’m better than them. But I just pity them a little bit. If they could see themselves. what DO they see? why do they WANT to be like that?
Maybe I’m missing out on my adolescence.
… to be perfectly honest, I dont really mind. I dont want what they have. I want Alex, just us, and our privacy, and our secrecy, and our happiness the way we are, without haing to involve everybody else.
I have friends, and I dont need to exploit myself to keep them.